I lot of people have been coming up to me and asking, “Man, why you got such a hate on for Taco Bell?” How all these obvious plants from the Taco Bell corporation are now able to find me I know not, but when they do I used to be able to say, “Because all their nacho offerings are subpar and occasionally they just rename the food they previously have to confuse you into thinking they’ve made something new and delicious instead of actually making something new that could actually be delicious.” BUT NO LONGER! After my most recent visit I will now have to change that to, “Because ALMOST all their nacho offerings are subpar and occasionally they just rename the food they previously have to confuse you into thinking they’ve made something new and delicious instead of actually making something new that could actually be delicious.”

I ate an object of food known as the Spicy Beefy Nacho Crunchwrap Slider, which I think needs some commas or hyphens at least between “spicy” and “beefy” if not elsewhere, and lo friends, my tastebuds were shocked. Not shocked because I ate something glorious mind you, but shocked because I had something that really wasn’t that bad, perhaps even something perfectly reasonably flavored for a dollar. Let’s break it down:

Remember the Grilled Stuft Nacho?

Yeah, now it’s all coming back, and if not you can read about it. If you were trying to forget about it, I’m sorry, hopefully you can find a therapist to help you through your struggles. Anyhow, the SPNCS is basically a GSN with a few changes. For one, it’s hexagonal rather than triangular, and you can really taste those extra angles. For another it’s replaced its previous weird contents with new weird ones: Goodbye red chip shards, say hello to crispy Fritos! Adios Cool Reduced-Fat sour cream and zesty nacho cheese goop, buenas dias spice-loaded creamy chipotle sauce! Auf Wiedersehen gross one dollar food menu item, hallo tasty one dollar food item!

Are these nachos wrapped up in a tortilla? Nope, not really. Are they a frito pie wrapped up in a tortilla? They sure are, and that is why they’re so good. Trying to convert nachos into some slop you smash up in a tortilla cannot be done, and certainly cannot be done by Taco Bell. Converting a frito pie into some slop you smash up in a tortilla can 100% be done, because that’s all frito pie is, just some smashed up slop perfect for putting in a tortilla. Delicious slop yes, but not nachos.

If you only have seven dollars and want a wrap that claims to be nacho flavored but really isn’t, the better choice is one $7 Sriracha Nacho Stack, but you could always go for seven $1 Spicy Beefy Nacho Crunchwrap Stacks if you want to be that guy. However if you only have $1 and want a wrap that claims to be nacho flavored but really isn’t, this honestly isn’t that bad an idea. Not nachos, but not a bad idea.

Taco Bell's stack also looks like less of a prolapsed anus than Moe's stack...