The day was gross and grey ass as a day could be. The kind of day only a fish man hybrid could love. It seemed to know that it was an end of an era, an era of man living off of not but nachos for three days, if what you can call the biological distress that my body was experiencing living that is. Perhaps there comes a time in a man's life when he gets into the golden years of the thirties where their body is no longer in the shape required to process a nonstop barrage of cheese, grease, salt, carbs, and all other sorts of delicious glop. Or maybe I just don't have what it takes anymore to and the weakness is in my stomach alone...

The beginning of the end commenced with the Cthulhu Prayer Breakfast, an eldritch breakfast Buffetthe likes of which this world has not seen before and probably would not again. Could I craft from this some sort of breakfast nachos?

Nope. Even I wouldn't call this nachos. It had a potato base, the eggs, bacon, and sausage were the middle, but there was no cheese or binding agent to hold it all together. Fails the nacho test. Also it just came to me that to be a nacho I think you need to be able to lift some of the base covered with toppings to your mouth as you would a corn chip with nacho topping. I'm going to table that thought for now.

I mentioned this was a Cthulhu Prayer Breakfast right?

Maybe not the best getup for someone who currently has racist allegations leveled against him, but where else outside of an actual cult group are you going to see this? IN YOUR DREAMS EVERY NIGHT? Perhaps you should consult a professional. You certainly won't see author Cody Goodfellow rap, like I did. You can however read about it in such a classy a rag as The New Yorker if you wish! I even talked to the reporter while in line, but you don't see any mention of that now do you?

The rest of the morning was spent packing and checking out of my palatial hotel room, or suite rather (PROTIP: If in Providence stay in The Biltmore and get a suite, they're sweet) and then hitting up a panel on the future of weird fiction. Good news, there is quite a future for weird fiction. Also learned, you should check out Laird Barron, which I can agree with 100% especially The Croning, and Caitlin Kiernan, who I've read nothing from but you know I will!

So my initial plan to wander around Providence again to find another place that sold nachos and was open was thwarted when I ran into the H. P. Lovecraft Literary Podcast boys as well as J.R. Hamantaschen, author of the frankly amazingly incredible You Shall Never Know Security, and decided to have lunch with them instead. This outing brought us once again to The Union Station Brewery, the same place we ate last time, but unfortunately this did not offer me the opportunity to sample a new order of nachos and thus a Pulled Pork Sandwich was instead on the menu. It was shaping up to be a true opposite of a Red Letter Day for nachos.

We laughed, we cried, we toured the Lovecraft related place of significance in town, etc, etc. before bidding a fond farewell until next NachonomiCon. I made it back to the conference just in time for the closing ceremony/breakdown of how the conference went, which was well in that it had its highest attendance ever, and not so well with the whole racism thing. Oaths were swore and blood was shed and the promise that maybe there would be another NecronomiCon in 2017, meaning that there would also be another NachoProviCon as well. Hopefully that would give time for new restaurants serving nachos to open up.

SO WHAT DID WE LEARN THIS NACHOPROVICON/NECRONOMICON?

Lovecraft named the gang of cats that hung around his house with the fraternity name of Kappa Alpha Tau, or KAT. He apparently loved puns.

His wife described him as "Adequately excellent" in bed. You can visualize that yourself.

The play Ubu Roi when performed in Paris for the first time in 1896 drove people crazy and caused a riot, in much the same way that The King in Yellow, published in 1895, was supposed to have done.

And most importantly I, a 30 something year old man, am just not built to eat nachos for every meal for multiple days in a row. I don't know if I'm in too bad a shape or too good a shape, or maybe just too old. Did I fail at NachoProviCon? I'll let you be the judge of that. If I haven't then I hope you've enjoyed another romp through the environs of Providence Rhode Island and are looking forward to NachoProviCon 2017. If I have, well, hopefully you'll check us out again for NachoProviCon 2017 wherein I will hopefully be in better shape and built for crushing nachos for every meal all the days in a row, or in worse shape and in need of the calories of three different servings of nachos a day just to keep going. I'll probably need to be wheeled around too, so that's a little something extra to look forward to.

ANYHOW, it was another excellent year in Providence and as the Innsmouth Jew's say, "Next year in Y'ha-nthlei!"