Earlier this year a video made the rounds of the internet purporting to be a new spa treatment wherein you get turned into an order of human nachos. It was very cute. In some worlds this would be enough, but no, apparently some people took it seriously. So seriously that a Snopes page needed to be created to debunk that it was a real thing "trending across southern California". What's wrong with the world? We don't have nearly enough time to examine that, but we can certainly check out this "trend".
Now I'm sure there are plenty of crazy spa treatments out there in the world, and if you go on Gweneth Paltrow's website she'll be able to tell you all about them in detail. I am also sure that people have covered themselves in nacho toppings before, although probably in the name of something sexual to feel alive more than for health purposes. The video that sparked this whole latest thing however doesn't purport to be either, it's just some dudes dicking around.
This footage was edited to make it look as though the above "treatment" was sweeping the country in order to boost viewership of the episode through likes and click-through and overall general dishonesty. This is the sad state of the Internet. A world where covering someone in nachos is used not to further the art and craft of nachomancy and instead is just crass marketing is not one in which I want to live.
As an internet video where someone is covered with a bunch of nacho toppings this works fine, but as a spa treatment, not so much. If anything, getting covered in nacho cheese to have it ooze into every pour and orifice to go bad is way worse for you than not having been covered in goop. Hot mud is an acceptable goop to cover yourself in. Hot refried beans, definitely not.
Let's look at these nachos for a second. The amount of toppings and nacho cheese together could be made into a fairly decent order of Concession Nachos, if they had been properly combined and not segregated to different parts of the body. Putting different foods in different places across the body may work on those fancy nude Japanese sushi girls, but that's not how nachos work. Nachos work by having a bunch of different flavors combined on a chip to hit your tongue simultaneously, not be having one chip with a jalapeno, another with a hint of beans, another with a little sour cream, etc. This is supposed to be a full body NACHO spa treatment, not a NACHO TOPPINGS ON VARIOUS SELECT PARTS OF YOUR BODY spa treatment.
Also, unlike the hairfree nude Japanese sushi girls, this dude is not hairless. While not a Robin Williams level of hair, there is definitely a lot still on him, and if it's on him it's going to be in the nachos, and if it's in the nachos, it's going to be in you. Hirsute + goopy cheese/beans/guacamole/sour cream, that's a sloppy ball of hair just waiting to end up in your mouth. Go and watch a cat trying to cough up a hairball. It's ok, I'll wait. You see that? That could be you, only you might also throw up some nachos, and believe me, you do not want to puke up chip shards. Even worse, you eat the hair and don't throw it up and instead create a bezoar in your guts like a hairy diamond. You carry one of those around in your stomach for long enough and an alchemist is bound to cut you open to steal it for the magical poison neutralizing properties. Nobody wants that.
Is this any dumber than anything else people do for spa treatments? Nope. Will it catch on as an actual spa treatment? Unlikely. Is some creep going to make a "classy" Mexican restaurant where you eat nachos off of a busty nude woman? Probably. All in all, between the whatever cheese in your pores illnesses there are and the bezoars, it's best to steer clear of this "treatment" and just stick with the hot mud, cucumber slices, and seaweed wraps. But in parting, I just want to set the record clear, I was rubbing nacho stuff all over my body long before these guys.