Baby, you know those relationships that start off great but then deteriorate and you’ve got to pull the plug? Maybe it’s someone close you put your trust in that keeps disappointing you, or maybe a significant other that just gets crazier and crazier and you realize that you’ve just got to end things once and for all for the good of everyone involved. What I’m trying to say, in a roundabout way, is that Mexicali, I think we should see other people...
When you first came to town I’ve got to say that you intrigued me. The location you chose I would have considered cursed considering how many other restaurants that had previously failed there, but you managed to thrive and grow. Perhaps it was your spicy Latin flair in my mostly honkey town that impressed people, perhaps it was that you were the only Mexican place around, but for me it was always your nachos. So big and fit and firm, I just wanted to hold them in my hands and put them in my mouth. But you changed Mexicali, you changed...
When was it exactly that things changed? Was it the new paint job? When you went from a regular looking building to a garish orange and pink edifice, enticing gringos to enter for sultry South of the Border delights? Was it the name change from Playa Del Carmen to Mexicali? You said you weren’t under new management, but something was different about you none the less. No, I think it was the change in food quality that really sealed the deal.
When we first started seeing each other I wanted your luscious nachos all over me, but now they’re so greasy that I don’t think that the laws of physics effecting friction would allow that to happen. Your lovely nachos, with their perfect arrangement of toppings and long slices of steak were a thing of beauty, but what you’re serving now, while I can’t call it a train wreck it has definitely been ridden hard and seen better days. What was a train wreck however was the taco salad of yours I tried. Yeesh. If I was a dog I would appreciate your concern at trying to make sure I had a glossy pelt, but I’m a human and consuming a ton of grease and oil doesn’t work that way on me. What I’m saying is drain your taco meat before putting it on any food, let alone a salad ok? Please?
Remember that time I stick a whole flan in my mouth as I was leaving and had to spit it up all over the parking lot so I could breathe? Or how you used to have a live mariachi band? Or how you used to take pictures of people in a sombrero on their birthday and putting it up on the wall? Notice how none of those memories involve nachos? That’s because there haven’t been any good nacho memories in a long, long time, and the meal I had the other day just added to the pile of bad nacho memories that are stacking up in my mind.
So baby, it’ll be ok, but I really think you and I need to start seeing other people. There were some folks at the table behind me talking about “chimney chongos” and “real anos” while being borderline racist attempting to speak with your servers in mocking Spanish that might be more your style. They thought it was a little dangerous going to a Mexican restaurant in their white little town and were surprised that they weren’t mugged in the parking lot by some “dusky” people, so I’m sure they’ll enjoy your wildside. Me though, I need a restaurant that’s going to treat me right, and my nachos with the respect they deserve. I really do wish you the best and hope everything goes great for you. This is really the best for both of us, trust me. I’m sure we’ll still be friends.
