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Essay: Nacho Science - What Percent of you is Nachos?

February 5, 2014 Nachonomics
Nacho Science.jpg

Question: If you weighed 99 lbs and then ate 1lb of nachos, do you become 1% nachos? Let this informational video explain.

This here is some science I can get behind as I have often wondered, “What percentage of me is nachos?” As Takehiro Murata says in Godzilla 2000, “There’s a little bit of Godzilla in all of us.”, and if you’ve ever had nachos there’s a little bit of nachos in you as well. However, I feel like more of a designation should be made of the difference between having 1% of your overall body-weight comprised of nachos located in your stomach and the idea that your overall view of self is currently 1% nachos. It’s a finer line than you might think.

Now, nobody is saying that you have physically transformed so that one percent of your body has mutated into chips or melted cheese in much the same way that nobody would say you had turned into a cyborg if you ate a percent of your weight in copper. One doesn’t consider a foreign body passing through you as part of your overall weight, however, a foreign body lodged inside yours, a hip replacement or chunk of shrapnel for example, you would. If you weighed 100 lbs, but 10 of those are made up of your artificial hips, most likely you wouldn’t list your weight as 90 lbs.

Along this line, when you list your weight you don’t say the total number listed on the scale, and then add an asterix to designate that for your actual weight you would need to subtract from this the overall weight of the bacteria and transitory food and drink moving through your body. When John Wayne died the person conducting the autopsy didn’t list his weight, and then below that list it minus the 40 pounds of impacted fecal matter in his colon, because that would be silly, and is also an urban legend. We know your body-weight is going to fluctuate over a period of time, just ask any professional boxers sweating down to the lower weight class right before a match.

So is it fair to say that for a short period of time you are 1% nachos? Sure, because on a technicality depending on how you consider your overall view of self it’s completely correct. Are you a Nacho/Human-Hybrid? Not in the least. Slowly the atoms of the nachos will get absorbed and mixed into your own, but that amount is so small that you’re as much a hybrid of nachos as you are of any food that you eat. It’s a fun and beautiful dream, but you will only ever be a human, at least with our current science and genetic engineering. One day perhaps, one day...

One day this glorious abomination could be you...

One day this glorious abomination could be you...

In 2014 Tags Nacho Science, Essay
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Nachonomics: ('na-cho-'na-miks)

noun. The branch of knowledge concerned with the production, consumption, and distribution of nachos.

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