Another day in Providence, another day of sunshine with the lurking threat of cosmic horrors trying to worm their way through to our plane of existence. Madness was obviously in the air as immediately outside the hotel I was accosted by a homeless gentleman accusing me of being the 1% and that I was responsible for his situation, only this was relayed with a lot more salty language. If I was H.P. Lovecraft I probably would have gone into paroxysms of terror, become physically ill and then write a racist story about the event, but I knew the fellow must have noticed my Vistaprint made Nachonomics shirt and recognized me as an up and comer in the world of nacho reviews, so I paid him no mind. Fun Lovecraft fact of the day: he once called his friend’s wife a vegetable. What a ladies’ man. At least he didn’t refer to her with a racial slur.
Chili, Cheddar Cheese, Salsa, Hot Peppers, Scallions
Today’s nachos come courtesy of Spike’s Junkyard Dogs, which are best known for their delicious hot dogs, but they make a mean order of nachos as well. After finding the fair of the area restaurants rather lackluster I needed to branch out to something quick and dirty, which these definitely are, but they were honestly the best I had in Providence. There’s no doubt that they’re just glorified concession nachos, and what they call “cheddar cheese” is just nacho cheese, but man, they are a taste sensation. Are they as good as their hot dogs? I don’t know if I would go that far, but compared to the rest of the nachos you might have had in town, definitely a vast improvement. When something covered in nacho cheese beats out a bunch of regular restaurant nachos, something must be going wrong with the very fabric of reality...
The afternoon was spent learning about how calling Lovecraft’s oeuvre “The Cthulhu Mythos” is a misnomer and how it should instead be called “The Yog-Sothoth Mythos” as that was who he wanted his main creation to be. Did that just blow your mind? Probably only if you are a casual fan, as a real fan would have already known that and a not fan is probably only here for the nacho reviews and can’t wait until I get done with all this NachoProviCon nonsense. For dinner I would have gone to some other place for another order of most likely subpar nachos, but instead I had dinner with the renowned game designer Sandy Peterson (He put the Lovecraft references in DOOM and Quake) at a restaurant so fancy that it didn’t even have nachos. What it did have was a massive steak and a delicious slice of Key Lime Pie, both of which I ate, wishing with every bite that they were nachos instead...
Who would have thought this crew would be lovers of complicated board games based on the writings of early 20th century horror authors?
The night ended with a Providence event by the name of WATERFIRE, where they light the very canals which run through the city on fire, much like the Cuyahoga River, play some Nordic music, and just come off as thoroughly badass while the frightened citizens cower in terror. What made tonight’s events all the more terrifying were the addition of chanting cultists and Lovecraftian monsters flopping around and gibbering in the streets in honor of the conference. You can hear their terrible chants here, or you can take my word for it that it was BADASS, for the first few minutes that is. Fifteen minutes of chanting later I was bored out of my mind, unable to find any nacho vendors, and headed back to my hotel room. They may have summoned Cthulhu after I left, but I wouldn’t know. I’d obviously be a terrible cultist.
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