A lot of people come to me and say, “Derek, you don’t know me, but know this: I love nachos, and I love America. How can I combine the two in one glorious and union that would make a bald eagle eating an apple pie shed a tear?” Boom, follow these simple steps and you’re all set for the most patriotic nachos you’ve ever seen or eaten, nachos so patriotic that I can only call them PATRIOT NACHOS.

INGREDIENTS:

1 Bag Blue Corn Chips

1 Bag Shredded Cheese

2 Red Peppers

1 Onion

1 Jar Banana Peppers

Arrange your chips on your cookable tray in a rectangular fashion with a hoist (width) ratio of 1.0 and a fly (length) ratio of 1.9. No more, no less.

Arrange your cheese over the surface of your chip base save for the union section which should have a hoist ratio of 0.5383 and fly ratio of 0.76.

Chop up your red peppers into a bunch of little chunks, or larger ones if that’s how you want to roll. You’re in America, you have the freedom to choose your pepper piece size.

If you want to rock the realism, make 7 red lines with the red peppers, each with a width of 0.0769. Otherwise just make as many lines as you feel like.

Much like how you cut up your pepper, do the same with your onion. Don’t cry, but if you do and someone catches you just say you’re so happy about freedom.

Make 6 stripes of onions inbetween your stripes of red peppers. This number of onion stripes may vary in relation to your number of red pepper stripes.

Now, you could take the banana peppers and cut them up into 50 pieces before putting them on your union section, or you could just use a visual approximation, such as the above where 1 pepper is equal to 8.33333 repeating stars.

Set your oven to broil, throw these in and cook until the cheese is melted. Boom, you have yourself the most patriotic nachos on the block.

The results are delicious. Gorge yourself. You know you want to... the Declaration of Independence wants you to...