Nachonomics: Year Five

May 5, 2017 Nachonomics

5 Years. 5 years of nachos. If this website was a human child it would have already gotten its fifth dose of the diphtheria, tetanus, and acellular pertussis immunization, as well as its second dose of varicella. If it were a human child it would be in first grade. If it were a college student it could complete an undergraduate degree and have taken a year off to “find itself” in between its freshman and sophomore year. If it was an octopus it would have just brooded its eggs six months ago, because it takes 4.5 years for an octopus to egg. But Nachonomics is none of those things. It is a website. A website about nachos.

Here’s what 5 years of writing for a nacho website gets you:

83 different nacho reviews from all over the United States of America and at least two other countries.
27 at least senior year of college level essays on nachos ranging from Cazu Marzu: The Most Dangerous Cheese on the Planet, to one about if you weighed 99 lbs and ate 1 lb of nachos are you 1% nachos, to one about the dangers of making nachos in space.
As there are three posts about nachos a month for now 60 months, when you subtract the combined 110 reviews and essays that leaves you with 70 other random posts about nachos, all of I’m sure amazing quality and value, them being free.
Membership in The Nacho News Network, the world’s leading collection of finest curated nacho websites from across the internet.

Now I’m just a poor kid on a computer constantly losing money month after month from hosting a nacho website that nobody cares about, but look at all I’ve managed to do for dish! So don’t let you being just another poor kid with a computer and a love for one singular food product stop you from starting a “________onomics.com” website of your own to review said food product! I know I’m personally looking forward to the day when I stumble across a “Cubansandwichonomics”, or “Scorpionbowlonomics”, or especially a “Waldorfsaladonomics” (allow me to personally recommend to you this here version of the salad), so somebody, ANYBODY, get on that please. Your ambitions are only as limited as the determination of your tastebuds, and remember, any dream that can be eaten is a dream that can be fulfilled.

Review: The Quarters

April 25, 2017 Derek Sotak

Tetris Tots, Cheddar, Bacon, Scallions, Chili, Jalapenos

In the sleepy west of the woody east is a valley called the Pioneer, home of the largest public university in New England, the University of Massachusetts Amherst (it’s educational). It is also home to infamous radio station WXXT, a park with a bunch of fossilized dinosaur footprints along a riverbank, and The Quarters, which google tells me is the only “barcade” in central Massachusetts. The Quarters in turn is known for being the only place, possible in the world, where you can get Tetris Tater Tot Nachos.

Review: La Campana

April 15, 2017 Derek Sotak

Fresh Tortilla Chips, Beans, Melted Cheese, Guacamole, Sour Cream, Jalapeno Peppers, Tomatoes, Steak

I am a gentleman who likes sampling a tequila or two, or through the place I go to in town with the Tequila Club, over 100 different kinds. Indeed, undoubtedly there is another parallel dimension where instead of Nachonomics there exists a Tequilanomics and I have become a horrible alcoholic. This isn’t that however, and I always figured that an establishment with 100 tequilas would be as tequilaey a restaurant as I would find in my life, and it was. Until I found La Campana.

March Madness, but the Madness is the lack of Nachos

April 5, 2017 Nachonomics

Listen, I'm going to get real with you. I'm turning my baseball cap around, I'm sitting backwards in my chair, and I'm going to be honest with you. I know as much about Nachos as I don't know about basketball. As you can imagine, this makes the whole March Madness thing kind of awkward. Almost as awkward as the lack of nachos in basketball in general.

Essay: On "Global Nacho Cheese Sauce Sales Market 2017 Industry Trend and Forecast 2021"

March 25, 2017 Derek Sotak

Do you ever stumble across the barest hint of something weird on the internet and then when investigating further fall down a rabbit hole into a subculture you were never aware of? Sure, that’s pretty much the whole internet, but I’d bet if I checked your search history I would see that you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. Pervert. Like a deep sea fisherman hauling in his nets from the seas of the internet I came across something the other day that would be worthy of that Russian fisherman who pulls up weird fish and posts them on twitter, if what I found was an actual fish and not a metaphorical one. So what had I dredged up from the deeps? Why, it was an entry to the magical world of nacho cheese sauce sales trending and forecasting of course!