As those of you with political knowledge or in the know know, last week the 2012 Democratic National Convention took place in Charlotte, North Carolina (State Historical Boat: The Shad Boat). The footage on TV reminded me of the last time I was down there, although there were fewer democrats around then. Then I remembered that I was never in Charlotte or in North Carolina (State Popular Dance: Carolina Shag) and I was confusing it with Charleston, South Carolina (Highest Point: Sassafras Mountain at 3,560 ft.). I even went online to double check and yes, Charleston was the place I went to. The reason I had blocked the city out of my mind was due to another nacho regret, one which came back to me in a vivid and horrible flashback...
Juanita Greenberg’s Nacho Royale, that was the restaurant that will haunt me. Based on the name alone, how could I not go to a place like that? Well, quite easily as it turns out. I was visiting the Palmetto State (State Spider: Carolina Wolf Spider) with friends and enjoying the sights. The Battery, the Calhoun Mansion, Fort Sumter, all were places of great historical significance in the birth of America, but none of them had nachos, and certainly not ROYALE nachos.
One day we were cruising around in a horse drawn carriage, as the gentry does when visiting Charleston’s, and indeed all South Carolina (State Beverage: Milk) historic places, when out of the corner of my eye I caught this sight of heaven...
It was just like this, only without some guys doing construction out front.
It was only a glimpse, but any restaurant with “NACHO” in its name was a place I wanted to go. Unfortunately being unfamiliar with the layout of the city I had no idea where I was, let alone where it was, and since it was only a glimpse I was only totally sure the restaurant had the word nacho in the name, but that was all. Not a lot to go on. Back in the hotel, a quick internet search of “Charleston SC Nacho” strangely didn’t bring up anything, possibly because I may have been searching “Charlotte NC Nacho”, but who can say. Anyhow, I couldn’t find it online anywhere, which was very mysterious, being as how everything is online.
For the rest of my stay down there I was on the constant lookout for the place, but to no avail. Had I just dreamed it? Had the hot southern sun just gotten to me that day and my addled brain showed me what I wanted to see? Was the toxic feces of the Palmetto Beetles hiding in my hotel room causing me to hallucinate? Maybe some bad She-Crab soup had jacked up my insides? As I left the city without further sightings of the restaurant I had to assume that it was all just a figment of my imagination.
Cut to now. I see Charlotte on the TV, which reminds me of Nacho Royale, so I google it again and find that the restaurant was actually called Juanita Greenberg’s Nacho Royale, and was in South Carolina (State Soil: Lynchburg), and it had the best name of a place for nachos I had yet seen. Then I had the foolish idea to check where it was in relation to where we stayed. Big mistake.
Nacho Royale is at point B and I was at point A. It’s 0.2 miles. A three minute walk. A 19 second drive.
They have seven different types of nachos. Seven. You want options? You can get corn chips or flour chips. Exotic toppings? How about some sausage or fish? WHY DID I EVEN BOTHER TO CHECK THE WEBSITE WHEN I CAN’T EVEN GO THERE!?!?! Because friends, that’s how regret works, and knowing I was so close and missed my opportunity to go. well it’s my biggest regret since buying a library full of HD-DVD films over BluRay, only this is even worse because it’s nacho related. One day Nacho Royale, one day...