Like everywhere else online, the internet of nachos is no stranger to clickbait titles trying to draw you in. I’ve seen them all, from, “She ordered a plate of nachos. You’ll never believe what happened next!”, to, “When you read these 19 SHOCKING nacho facts, you’ll NEVER want to eat nachos AGAIN!”, to, “You think these are just normal nachos? Wait until you see what’s inside...” Usually I can resist their siren call, but when I see something like, “Readers Respond to a New Northwest Portland Restaurant That Sells Gummy Bear Nachos”, how can I not be expected to click that!
So I did, and SHOCKINGLY my computer wasn’t immediately infested with viruses. The restaurant, which appears to be real, is the Xico Cantina in Portland, and the food, which also appears to be real, is the Dorilocos. As you can see, they do not technically classify it in their nacho categories like their Xico Nachos and their Naxos Deluxe, but taking a look at the picture of the Dorilocos above, you know what they’re going for.
Do I think that these are going to be good? Highly questionable. Will I be ordering them the next time I’m in Portland? Of course I will, because I put my guts and taste buds on the line for you people and this website. I’ve mentioned before about how a contrast in flavors and textures in nachos makes for an enjoyable eating experience, but these are pretty extreme. The fruitiness of Gummy Bears is unlike anything else you’d normally find on nachos, and the candies are far chewier than anything other than a chunk of fat or tendon you don’t want to be eating. None of this is selling me on these Dorilocos, and yet I wouldn’t be surprised if through some witchcraft this combo turned out to be delicious. Really all this made me think of was the “Spaghetti and Rubber bands” clip from The Weird Al Show.
When you see a link for a clip show with an especially delicious looking order of nachos and the title, “You’ll never believe what these nachos look like now! Number 6 will make you cry!”, click on it. 99% of the time it’s going to be garbage and that hot picture that was the reason that you clicked on it isn’t even going to be in there, but that last 1%... Sometimes that is gold. Gummy gold. That still doesn’t mean that you’d want to eat the gummy gold, but you’ll at least be aware of the option.