Let’s say that every Tuesday for the past 50 years you had visited the same restaurant and gotten an order of nachos. One order of nachos a week, 52 weeks a year, 50 years, that’s 2600 orders of nachos. Pretty impressive when it’s put like that. But what would happen if the restaurant decided to change their menu, and that change involved removing nachos from it entirely? Would you switch to ordering something else? Would you start going to a different restaurant that sold nachos? Or would you, like this certain group of Austinites, band together into the Nacho Liberation Forces and try to get them returned to the menu? You can guess what a group worthy of the “Heroes of Nachos” title would choose.
This group of friends, who first started coming when they were students at the University of Texas in the 60’s, were at first shocked when they found out about the removal. They began by reasonably making friendly pleas to the waitstaff to reinstate them, but when that fell on deaf ears stronger action had to be taken. A few home made uniforms, paper hats, and bandanas later, they had become the Nacho Liberation Forces, and hell no, they wouldn’t ‘cho.
To be fair on the restaurant side of things, it wasn’t as if this was a Mexican restaurant or something that would be expected to have nachos, this was Scholz Garten, a German restaurant. Not a German themed restaurant, and actual German food restaurant that had been selling traditional German food going back to 1866. Also, to quote their website, “honored by the 1966 Texas legislature with House Resolution #68, which recognized Scholz Garten as “a gathering place for Texans of discernment, taste, culture, erudition, epitomizing the finest tradition of magnificent German heritage in our State.”” Also also, the reason they were removing the nachos because they were trying to get back to a true German food menu. Also also also, apparently the nachos were very difficult to make at the restaurant, which sounds like they might not have a salamander or proper broiling system in place. Keep all this in mind when you go to balance this equation.
Unfazed by this, the Nacho Militis even created a war cry to the tune of Queen’s “We Will Rock You”, which in theory sounds good, but in practice… eesh… maybe do another take if you’re going to post a video of it. Or maybe just don’t post a video of it at all. Yeah, it’s much better in theory, but if you really want to watch it, be my guest.
Anyhow, after what I assume was many a long and drawn out battle, the Nacho Militia and Scholz came to an agreement, in the form of a peace treaty. Every Tuesday is now Nacho Revolution Day where the ‘chos flow like pasteurized process cheese product, and the Militia themselves were rewarded with a card for free nachos as well. It was the greatest battle between Mexico and a European power since the 1862 Battle of Puebla which resulted in the creation of the holiday Cinco de Mayo. One could say that Nacho Revolution Day is a greater holiday for nacho specifically, but I’ll let you argue that one.
Listen, I’m always going to fall on the side of nachos in a debate, but I’m also going to say that Scholz was totally in the right with what they did, and probably understandably displeased with what occurred. Maybe not, Austin is one of those many, many cities in the US with the “Keep INSERT CITY NAME Weird” slogans, so perhaps everyone was cool with it. Either way, restaurants changing their menus is bullshit, and even more so when doing so gets rid of nachos. Stop doing that restaurants, nobody likes it, even if it is for legitimate reasons. I can’t say that pulling a Nacho Revolution Militia will work at your local nacholess establishment, but it took some brave people to stand up first and give it a try, which is why they are nacho heroes.