Chances are you probably have a store around that has knick-knacks and tchotchkes and other things you’d see in the home of someone on a Hallmark holiday movie set in a small American town. If you’re real lucky that place also sells strange knock off foods coming from Canada or alternate dimensions being sold for a fine price. For me that place is Christmas Tree Shops, and these are a few of the types of chips they sell. It’s time for Cheap Chip Showdown.
COVERED BRIDGE JALAPENO OLD FASHIONED KETTLE COOKED POTATO CHIPS
Normally I wouldn’t touch the things outside of an order of Irish Nachos (is it even appropriate to call them that these days?) but I took a chance getting potato chips. I figured this would be ok because (A) I was sold on that “jalapeno” and (B) “kettle cooked” is the best kind of potato chip. My faith was wasted. These were fine potato chips, but definitely not “jalapeno”. Maybe they were “jalapeno” by Canadian standards, but how New Brunswick defines that compared to the US are two very different things.
TACO BELL REAPER RANCH TORTILLA CHIPS
If there was one bag out of these three that needed to impress me, it was these. Shockingly though, they did! I expected these to have at best the merest whiff of spiciness to them so they’d still be edible to the masses, but there’s a reason why these are only sold by the bag and not at Taco Bell. They’re hot. Surprisingly hot. Now, they’re nothing like the Paqui Haunted Ghost Pepper Chips, which are borderline inedible to regular people, but there is definite heat here to a degree in which I had to nod my head in recognition once it kicked in. Well played Taco Bell, well played. Now, start selling some kind of Reaper Nachos in restaurants and I’ll be on board 100%.
EL SABROSO GUACACHIP
Is it guacamole, or is it chip? I mean, it’s a chip, trust me on this one folks. This is one of those situations where if you put a bowl of these in front of me and had me guess what flavor they were I would come to guacamole through process of elimination of green mexican food staples rather than flavor, but it is still good. I’d say “guacesque” rather than full on “guacamole”, but that’s probably a little too close to “grotesque” to really sell as a chip brand. Very flavorful, but there’s a reason these are not stocked on the shelf of every grocery store in America in that they don’t quite cut the mustard. Or avocado as the case may be. Also, be very careful when cutting avocados as Avocado Hand is a real thing that affects thousands a year.
THE VERDICT
One guacachip, one reaper ranch, one slice of sharp cheddar, zap that in the microwave like a basic bitch who has learned nothing from reading this website over the past eight years, and that’s the best combination you could ask for. Zero mention of potato chips. Turn that flavor profile into a chip and I’m sold forever. Seriously, someone please turn a guac/reaper/ranch/cheese combination into a chip, I’m begging you.