What is an order of nachos worth to you? $1 of an order of Taco Bell Triple Layer Nachos? $6 for an order of concession nachos at your local movie theater? $12 for an order of nachos at your favorite sit down Mexican place? What about a single order of nachos for $120? Well, if that’s not out of your budget, 7908 Aspen in Aspen, Colorado has $90 or $120 nachos just for you! Also, you obviously have a bunch of expendable income, so how about checking out the Nachonomics store?
Now you might be asking yourself, “What would make an order of nachos cost $120? Is this a case where they put a $10,000 diamond in a $10 martini and call it a $10,010 Martini?” No, these are the real deal, made up of Yukon Gold Potato Chips, Cultured Cream, Egg Mimosa, Pickled Shallot, Chive, and the pièce de résistance, Caviar. Yes sir or madam, for the low price of $90 you can top your ‘chos with the finest Calvisius Siberian Royal, or, if you’re paying with someone else's expense account, there is the option of Imperial Osetra for $120. If you go with the Osetra and don’t want to do the math, judging by the above picture where there appears to be about 20 chips on the plate, that works out to $6 a chip.
Now Aspen is one of those fancy lad towns that celebrities and big-wigs have driven the common folk out of (indeed, the owner of 7908 Aspen is Roger Wilson from Porky’s), but even considering that, this dish is an obvious goof. It’s twice as much as the next most expensive item on the menu (the 14oz Halibut Steak with Roasted Corn & Carrot Top Vinaigrette for $62) and and no larger than than other appetizer. Getting these is either a power move to show you can waste $120 on a regular sized order of nachos, or something you and your buddies split in order to say you’ve eaten $120 nachos. These are the rich people equivalent of the 10 lb steak that you get your picture put up on the wall if you can eat the whole thing.
“What makes it a nacho is the chip. What makes it Aspen is the caviar. It’s the sexiest nacho in the world.” Says Wilson. “Barf.” Says I. If you’re one of these Russian Oligarchs who is cruising the world on Putin’s dime you’d probably get one of these ironically, but if you’re a regular human for which $120 is most of your monthly food budget, forget it. You are obviously not Aspen, and these nachos are obviously not for you. Caviar has its place (meetings of The Illuminati at Bohemian Grove) and so does nachos (literally everywhere else) but combining the two is like making a diamond studded pair of Crocs. 7908 Aspen were so preoccupied asking if they could put caviar on nachos, they didn’t stop to think if they should.
Are these 10 times better than an order of nachos at your favorite sit down Mexican place for $12? Unlikely. Are these 20 times better than an order of concession nachos at your movie theater for $6? Also unlikely. Are these 120 times better than the Taco Bell Triple Layer Nachos for $1? I don’t even know if I could quantify a food as being 120 times better than another one, but also unlikely. If you want to blow a lot of money on nachos, get the Mt. Nacheesmo at Tio’s Mexican Cafe for $50. It’s 5 lbs of beans, beef, chicken, pork, monterey jack and cheddar cheese, tomatoes, onions, green peppers, black olives, sour cream, guacamole, creamy queso, and it’s one of the tastiest nachos around. Sure, you can’t brag about it down at the yacht club or while over in Davos, but you and four of your buddies can eat like Masters of the Universe without paying Master of the Universe prices. Ignacio Anaya invented nachos in 1943 out of the kindness of his heart to feed some hungry ladies who came over the border for food, not to fleece some rich tourists for a quick buck. I can only imagine he’s rolling in his grave.
