Recently a Pennsylvania woman was on her way to a hospital to give birth, but had to pull over into a Taco Bell parking lot because that baby could not wait… for that delicious Baja Blast Mountain Dew! And also to be spawned into this terrible world! The baby was ok, but the mother was quoted as saying, “I think that we at least deserve some nachos out of this because that happened” This brings us to the age old question: if you give birth in a Taco Bell parking lot, do you in fact deserve nachos?
Let’s break this down into three sections: (1) the Taco Bell parking lot, (2) the “deserve”, and (3) the nachos.
THE TACO BELL PARKING LOT
Nowhere is it written into the laws of this great country that if you give birth in the parking lot of a food or retail establishment that you are entitled to free wares. If that were the case there would be a line of pregnant ladies at every Jaguar dealership just waiting to “accidentally” drop one out. Now if she had given birth inside the actual restaurant itself, I think that would have gotten her a little more street cred, but just a parking lot isn’t going to cut it. Thanks to the power of Google Maps you can view the parking lot of the Taco Bell in which the birth occurred, and as you can see it is mere feet from the parking lot of the next door Arby’s. Do you think she could have driven that extra few yards if she had preferred a Jamocha Shake over nachos? Who can say.
There but for the grace of God go curly fry...
THE “DESERVE”
The definition of “deserve” is to :do something or have or show qualities worthy of reward or punishment.” Using that in a sentence to describe this situation would be something like, “The Pennsylvania woman deserves nachos because she gave birth in a parking lot of a restaurant that sells them.” Giving birth is definitely worthy of a congratulations, but I would say that the successful birth of a living child is the reward that you get from it. An additional reward of nachos (which I would certainly love to receive if I had just given birth) would be nice, but to say that they are “deserved” is a bit much.
THE NACHOS
What food would you say Taco Bell is best known for? If you said “bells”, you need to examine your diet, but if you said “tacos” that would be a pretty safe bet. Going by their position on the Taco Bell website, nachos are the very last group of foods listed after tacos, burritos, and quesadillas, so you can see where they rank in the eyes of the Belluminati. Based on this undoubtedly scientifically accurate Thrillist list, they are the 8th best item you can order, so they are clearly not the average person’s first choice. Asking for them is like giving birth in a Burger King parking lot and saying they should give you a Big Fish Sandwich. If a burger place is going to give out something free, it’s going to probably be a burger, and if it’s a taco place, you accept that free taco and you like it. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
So do you deserve free nachos for giving birth in a Taco Bell parking lot? Not at all. Would it be nice of Taco Bell to give her a free order of $1 Triple Layer Nachos? Sure, but by using the word “deserve” because you gave birth on their property, something I’m sure the Taco Bell corporation would have rather she not done if there was a choice, that’s a little entitled. Maybe if the baby was going to be named “Belle”, or “Taco” that would get you something, but if your line isn’t something polite or jokey along the lines of “I think that it would be pretty cool if we could have some nachos because that happened”, ol’ TB ain’t interested.